It should come as no surprise to you that my answer to the question in the title is that you can can absolutely learn interpersonal skills. While there are certain psychological disorders (e.g. Autism and Aspergers) that cause a fundamental inability to relate to other people, if you do not have one of these then you can absolutely develop social skills in the same way as any other sport or musical ability. That capability has been hard wired into our brains through years of evolution and frankly you wouldn’t be here if your ancestors were unable to communicate and relate to the rest of their tribe. If you have trouble relating to people and forming connections, the problem isn’t that you don’t have the tools but simply that you don’t know what they are or how to use them. Sometimes it may seem that people who are outgoing and social are just the lucky people who were born that way but you’d be surprise how often that’s not the case and how many people harbour secret insecurities and social anxiety under a seemingly confident outer shell.
Some people develop an outgoing personality through their childhood experiences and end up as adults who have no trouble creating connections. They have naturally developed a good set of social skills. That is not to say however if you’re not one of these people you’ve missed the boat. Interpersonal skills can be learnt at any age.
So whether you’re here because you feel you don’t have good social skills or whether you just want to improve on your existing skills you should feel confident that you can and will improve.
When you embark on the process of improvement you might suck to begin with, however if you persist, change will come. You might not notice that change immediately, but people around you will and may even tell you how much more confident or centered you seem. Eventually you will start to feel it too when you’re no longer nervous in situations in which you were previously .You’ll begin to feel balanced, comfortable and in control during social situations.
It’s possible to acheive massive change on a very short timescale and I will be sharing approaches that may help you to do that.
I know people who have gone from crippling anxiety to being happy, funny and confident meeting a large groups of people. They’ve CHOSEN to improve their social abilities and it’s your CHOICE too as to whether you want to improve this skill set.
Like all skills, it does take perseverance, but it’s an area of your life in which improvement will act as a catalyst for success in other areas of life, like your career, your relationships and your sense of self-worth and happiness. I’ll go into more detail on how this works at some point.
See you soon.